Tonight, at Casa De Cath ‘n Cam, Cam is at her dad’s for the weekend and I stayed in.
why i stayed in is a conversation i don’t want to have.
but, instead, i you-tubed.
and i found some classic cringes. Anybody remember indecent obsession?
(my siblings just cringed)
why oh why oh why. why oh why oh why were they so cool back then? why?
but, then. then i found something i’d forgotten.
to correct an earlier blog post of mine, i was front row of this man’s concert once. my very first concert.
and, weirdly, it made me miss something. rather, someone. someone i didn’t even know then.
but that’s another story altogether. probably one i’ll keep for myself. just like them.
i got to laughing though. and i looked back.
if i had known me at 14. in a skinny green dress, wearing funny shoes.
i wonder what my 14-year old self would think of my 29-year old self.
that was more than half of my life away.
at 14, youtube didn’t exist. but i’m willing to bet i’d be having foot-stomping fights with my dad about bandwidth right now, if it had.
at 14, i thought i was in love with a boy called marc. whose second name bore a remarkable resemblance to my own.
at 14, my best friend jo-anne thought he was a ginormous fucktard.
she was completely right. he dumped me on new years eve. shortly after returning from said concert.
at 14, i had just started to think that i might like to write.
at 14, i hated my legs. i still do.
at 14, i was only just learning how to laugh.
at 14, i was still wearing that fucking aliceband
by the next year, i’d have dumped the stupid thing and i’d cringe a little less.
by the year after that, i’d have my hair hanging in my face constantly.
by the year after that, i’d probably like the me of today if i were to meet me.
(does that make any sense?)
and i’m left. left with a thought.
a thought that i hope my daughter grows up with these golden moments of life in her life too. that, one day, Cam will sit at her computer at a friday night and laugh with friends about her own aliceband fixation, and giggle at the inane lyrics of a band she used to be fanatical over.
i wish for Cam, the brightest life.
at 14, i didn’t know it. but i already had it.
