Cam, The Explorer.

Every parent will tell you, that generally, the hour before bedtime is known as

happy hour.

This is the mental time, usually in our house it’s between six and seven that:

- dinner gets served, eaten and scraped off the wall;

- dessert gets eaten before dinner, and cleaned up off the couch;

- dishes get washed;

- pyjamas get found;

- baths get run and;

- Cameron’s mind plays.

What does that last one mean? It means this, simply. It’s the time where she’s come home, chilled out and now plays. This means, in our world…

do random shit.

Random shit includes:

- emptying the contents of the playroom onto the lounge floor.

- sometimes this entails taking the laundry with her.

- feeding the fish. and i don’t mean fish food. just this week I found a chocolate-covered barbie doll in there.

- prancing around in a fairy-princess-dress and singing ‘MAMMA MIA HERE I GO AGAIN’ on loud, on a loop.

- asking a million questions at forty-miles an hour and,

- exploring.

“Exploring?”, you ask. Well, let’s just think about that.

We all know about her current addiction to “flushing things down the toilet that don’t belong in the toilet” (current rescue tally includes no less than 14 items and something I’m still not sure I can identify but it definitely is not  something that belongs in a toilet. it may or may not be a scarf. which is interesting. because it clearly does not belong to me). I am now adept at fixing blocked toilets. One step closer to my dream career of plumber

So, let me tell you, instead, about her other favourite thing… what I call, the bags and bags and random shit swaparound.

Cam loves to “pack” handbags  with random things, and then carry them around as a handbag, pretending she is going shopping. And when I say random, I mean, RANDOM. They could be anything. From a can-opener, to a collection of toys, to shoes, to the bubble bath, to towels, to anything inbetween. The full spectrum. The whisk is also a firm favourite.

This habit’s been around forever. It’s genetic. She gets it from my mother. I know this because, whenever my Dad would look for something in our house, he’d always blame my mother and say, in his empathic way “Eve, you moooved it” or “IT has been mooooved”.

She’s been doing it since she was a toddler. The first sign I ever had of it was the loss of our doorstop in the bedroom. Yes, a doorstop. She was eleven months old at the time. I still haven’t found it. Either she ate it or she stuck it in the bin.

The second sign I had of it was when other people’s cellphones would go missing when they came to visit. We’d ring them, trying to find them, searching under the couch and turning the house upside down. Somewhere, we’d always hear a faint ring but could never pinpoint it.

Until, one day, I found cellphone that had gone missing. In the freezer.

Yep. The Freezer.

Who knows why?

People don’t believe me when I say “don’t let her play with your phone”.

Current Cellphone fatality rate: 5.

(none of them mine, one of them deserved it and the other four, thankfully, survived)

So, it was no surprise that during happy hour last night, Cam came to me, whilst wearing the colander on her head and a pair of mismatched gloves, and said

“Mom. I’ve made a discovery”.

I won’t lie. I trembled a bit.

Thinking “awesome. the two remaining fish are bound to be a-goner now”.

I was wrong.

She quietly took my hand and led me into the bathroom.

And there, in the bathroom, I found..

That if you look very carefully under our bath, there is a little hole where a pipe goes in.

And in there, in there, she had stuffed..

a small collection of shiny things. hairclips, beads, hairbands, jewellery and a kung fu panda watch.

She said:

“MOM! it’s my treasure collection!”

I said:

“Absolutely! how wonderful.. now, how do we get it out?”

She said:

“That’s why I fetched you. What time is it on my watch?”

 

sometimes

Sometimes you read something and you think…

I’ve been here. I know this. This is a universe I have had my feet planted in, even when I did not want to walk there.

That’s resonation. A liberating experience of not feeling alone because somebody, somewhere feels the way you have felt.

Most of the time, the inner, bitter loneliness we feel is compounded by having what feels like a million people around you. I know, the loneliest I’ve ever felt was in a room full of people I loved.

That said, I hope, that my friend does not feel alone today. I resonated with her post.

And I just wanted to say that. For her to know it.

 

just a wish, hey. just a wish

i think everyone wants someone to write them something like this one day.

here

 

The Single Guy’s Guide to Dating a Single Mom

This post probably won’t make me very popular. I’m okay with that. This post has brewing in my head for ages  now, but I think I finally pulled it together enough to post it.

So, you meet her – Funny, clever, busy, cynical and soft. She’s great. You date. Except there’s one thing about her that makes your ballsack twinge in fright.

It’s the Kid.

Now let’s be upfront, and serious, just for a second. When you’re dating a single mom, you’re really dating two people. Okay, so not exactly the ménage ‘n trois you were hoping for, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.

Know this one thing – she doesn’t consider it serious until she introduces you to the Kid. Know one other thing – introducing you to the Kid is not a test. You cannot pass or fail it. It just is. Got that? Good.

The stuff you should know:

Knowledge of the Kid:

Any mother, anywhere, is going to talk about her kid. Your mom did, didn’t she? So, if the topic of the Kid only comes up way after you meet, you may find she’s ashamed of the idea of being a single parent.

My answer? Run. Now. Any person not okay with being themselves is not worth your time anyway.

Your date/girlfriend is going to talk about the Kid. Get used to that fact. Just as she’s also going to talk about her job, her friends, her life and her family. Just like you are about your job, your friends, your family, your car. Except her Kid isn’t an accessory and doesn’t come with fuel injection. No, wait, the Kid does have fuel injection capabilities, spawned from a myriad of bribery sweets and birthday cake, but does not require weekly buffing and an immobilizer. On that note, if anyone knows how to install an immobilizer on a Kid, let me know.

Priorities:

You see, dude, you’re going to have to accept that you score at a number two on the priority list in Single Mom’s life. Once it’s serious, you’ll reach that point. You don’t comprehend? Look, I’ll show you:

Single Mom’s priorities before she dates you:

1. Kid.
2. Self.
3. Job.
4. Family.
5. Friends.
6. Everything and everyone else

Single Mom’s priorities once you two reach serious stage:

1. Kid.
2. You.
3. Self.
4. Job.
5. Family.
6. Friends.
7. Everything and everyone else.

Notice that subtle change? Thought you might.

So, in the grander scheme of things, scoring number two ain’t so freaking bad, after all, is it? What are your priorities, then, mmm?

Giving a fuck:

We were giving birth long before you gave a fuck. So, if you do care, show it. Immediately, but without being a suffocating psycho.

The Ex:

If you’re really lucky, the Ex will be a nice enough guy, with whom your girlfriend has an amicable relationship. Do NOT fuck with it.

If you’re not lucky, the Ex will be a vilified arsehole, with whom your girlfriend has a relationship of vague tolerance and vitriolic sucking up of his BS. Once again, do NOT fuck with it. Unless you are asked to.

If you’re middle of the road lucky, the Ex will just be around for parties, family events, the every-other-weekend-pick-up-and-drop-off, and be generally unobtrusive, and is someone with whom your girlfriend has a mild, sometimes tenuous, generally okay relationship. Seriously, do NOT fuck with it.

Be nice, be polite, exchange idle banter about cars and leave it at that. Remember something rather important, dude. His wang was in there long before you were, and made a Kid. The very Kid who is now a part of your life and who undoubtedly hero worships their father. So, like, accept that and be polite.

Kid and tantrums:

The golden rule is to walk away, go into the kitchen, make tea and let mama sort this one out. Grit your teeth and do it. But, be helpful in an indirect fashion. Trust me, mama doesn’t need your help sorting this one out, and your “advice” is invalid unless you have a kid yourself.

The Kid:

The Kid is going to be shy at first. The Kid is going to fall in love with you too. You may find you do the same in return. Try not to be a complete wuss about it. Don’t be afraid to dig out your old Lego and channel your light-sabre years. You have full rights to watch Gummi Bears now and you absolutely can eat ice cream with your fingers, and all the cake you like.  Don’t all therapists tell you to channel your inner child? There it is, right there, and you didn’t even have to pay someone five hundred bucks an hour to remind you.

At some point, the Kid is going to love you. Just because you are. Just because you exist in their world. Isn’t that a good thought?

The Dates:

So the Kid gets sick on Date night and your girlfriend has to cancel so that she can sit up all night being puked on and doing 42 cycles of laundry, whilst still trying to get some sleep and soothe a crying child. Your job? Quit whining about it. Move on. So the vomit-game got in the way of your laygame? Sorry, mate, but tomorrow is another day, and another date night will roll around and the Kid won’t get sick and all will be well. Offer empathy. And don’t think your girlfriend is not feeling like a piece of total turd for having to cancel. She already is. Don’t make it any worse.

The Friends:

Your Single Mom Girlfriend will come with a set of hideously close, fantastic friends. They have been there from the beginning and probably before, and, should you ever make a grand exit, will be around to pick up the pieces afterwards. Alternatively, should you stick around long enough, you’ll become part of that regular tableau around the dinner table. They can tell you everything you ever want to know about your girlfriend. Well, at least everything she will let them. They are her support structure and are family to her and the Kid. They’d also be the ones singing your praises and making speeches at your wedding one day, should that happen. Don’t ever ask her to choose between you or them. It won’t end well and you will lose.

Her Family:

Are probably a close-knit bunch, a little crazy, and completely supportive. Or, they’ve distanced themselves from the ‘weird one who went astray and got herself up the duff or divorced or whatever’. Either way, respect that. One day, they might be your family too.

Her Job:

Is just as important as yours. If not more. If that stings, deal with it. You see, you get up every morning, get yourself ready and dressed and go to work. On the other side of the spectrum, she gets up every morning at sparrows fart, gets herself ready and dressed for work, gets the Kid ready and dressed for school/daycare, feeds them breakfast, cleans the house, makes sure whatever’s needed for dinner is defrosting, throws coffee down her throat and hopes like hell noone got yoghurt anywhere. At lunchtime, you’re at a lunch meeting, or you’re having a sandwich at your desk or you’re getting a bit of fresh air. She is making sure the pharmacy bill is paid, running to the shops to get diapers or the latest most essential MOM-I-MUST-HAVE-IT toy, or a pencil sharpener from the stationers because the dog ate the last one and she is most definitely chugging back another coffee and hoping that muffin she ate on the way doesn’t show up too badly in her hips. You see, if she loses her job, everyone suffers. If you lose your job, um, you suffer. And let me tell you, potential employers generally frown upon baby spew on suits in interviews.

What you will get in return:

An abundance of love. Like I said, it’s not the ménage ‘n trois you were looking for, but it still is one. Sure, it has some limitations, boundaries and getting-used-tos, but what relationship doesn’t at first seem to have them?

A space at the dinner table any time you like. Seriously. If the Kid’s gotta be fed, then mama’s cooking. Which means, she’s happily cooking for you too anytime you like. I’m willing to bet what she’s making beats last night’s pizza leftovers.

An experience to relive your very own childhood. Enough said.

The privilege of being a fundamental part of someone’s developing life. Think about that. Seriously. Who wouldn’t want that honour? To know they truly made a mark in someone’s life. Do you have that feeling now?

Absolute support. It’s true. Single moms thrive on the support they receive from the people who love them, and will give it back times infinity when needed. It’s always there.

A challenge. A challenge to yourself, for yourself. You’re going to learn so much more about yourself, more than you ever, ever knew. Ask your girlfriend, she knows, because she’s learning about herself too.

Heart-winning. You will win the heart of someone so hurt once, so probably jaded by life and other people. You will be believed in, above all people. And you will be a prince among plonkers.

A sense of belonging. Once you’ve become part of the family others may deem strange, but is actually becoming the norm nowadays, you’ll always know where you can come home to. Bad mood, good mood, bad day, good day, it doesn’t matter. You’re just there. That’s what makes the difference to them.

Laughter. So much laughter you cannot contain yourself.

You don’t believe me?

Try farting in front of the Kid.

Seriously.

 

Es Oh Tea Dee

I am totally channelling this song today…

The video’s here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqW9YoL401I

I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place.
And you’re still probably working
At a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

Now where’s your picket fence love
And where’s that shiny car
Did it ever get you far?
You never seemed so tense, love
Never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are?

Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I’m lying

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that’s worth the damn and treats you well
Then he’s a fool you’re just as well hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you’ll be thinking to yourself
Where did it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on
Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I’m lying

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that’s worth the damn and treats you well
Then he’s a fool you’re just as well hope it gives you hell

Now you’ll never see
What you’ve done to me
You can take back your memories
They’re no good to me
And here’s all your lies
If you look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that’s worth the damn and treats you well
Then he’s a fool you’re just as well hope it gives you hell

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)
When you hear this song and you sing along well you’ll never tell
And you’re the fool I’ve just as well I hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along I hope it puts you through hell

 

posting this because i can..

theres a lot of codespeak.

1. im quite excited about friday for no particular reason other than it’s channelling my personal determinations. (pimps and hos, friends, you know how you are)

2. im quite excited about saturday for no particular reason other than i know im gonna get a squeeze out of it.

3. im quite excited about this week being over, for no particular reason other than it’s obvious in my first two points and the fact that i’m posting this on a monday.

4. im quite excited about the fact that i finally have some weird little light at end of tunnel stuff going on, thats going to rock.

5. I know I’m early but, Cath, you rock. Happy fkn birthday  my sweet, amazing, superwoman friend.

6. I have a Wonderwoman shirt. Whenever I put it on, like today,  Cam points to the picture and tells me that it’s me on the shirt. I like that. Alot.

7. This morning I needed to hear that.

8. Sometimes this awesome little dual package just is too much. I get that. Even just I can be intimidating. I got that a while ago. See here.

9. Don’t think I don’t notice. I notice.

10. Will turns a year soon.

11. And in a few days I will honour the 4th year of my Dad’s passing. It still scares me how many years that is. I still wonder daily if he’s proud. Sometimes I know. Sometimes I still wonder.

12. Oh, and don’t you just hate how you dress up, prepared to be cold, and then the sun shines itself right out of it’s bum? Yep. That. Today’s that day.  Heh.

 

I want you to go here and read this

because it resonated so very, very much.

Thank you Le Ms Jackson Files.

 

stuff

Computer. Says. No.

And I’m learning how to, too.

That is all for today.

 

been stuck in my head all day.

mental jukebox on haywire, currently, but this has been stuck in my head all day.

*cheesy eighties choons ftw*

So, this one, is for you, sister person

here

and this one, is for you, brother person

here

 

Another repost but i have my reasons

Reasons being? the same friend is in my head today. Written a long time ago. Sorry if you hate crap poetry, but if you don’t like it, don’t read it.

I needed to read this today.

A and the Wolf.

“i am not afraid of you” she said

as he hissed and spat before her.

“you could eat me now, tear my flesh but, you’d still go home alone”.

he moved from foot to foot and glowered, moving nearer.

“it is me, you should fear, and not the winds of tonight.

for i am fearsome, larger than you.

I will and I can, rip you into two”

The wolf slobbered and licked his chops, sharpening his leer.

He thought he’d got lucky tonight, finding prey so dear.

She wept.

“It is not for you I shed this tear.

But for your kin at home, waiting near.

You have promised a healthy feast

But you, dumb wolf, are not the beast.

Your children will be saddened at home

For tonight there is no juicy bone”

She turned and walked, the wolf still near.

He wobbled left and sprinted off.

She continued on.

She continued strong.

She continued for so very long.