everything slips, slips, slips along.

so much news.

some of it good.

some of it bad.

very bad.

some of it involving my knee.

some of it involving my things of which knee may be part of the word.

but i won’t reveal.

work is so busy. so good. so many good things happening because of good friends.

i keep swimming.

i keep strong.

i keep faith in the ideal that good will win through.

just once. like it has for me before.

like it must do again.

like it shall.

i read these and i thought of you.

i always think of you.

holding three people i love very much in my heart.

tightly.

please hold them with me?

Tonight, at Casa De Cath ‘n Cam, Cam is at her dad’s for the weekend and I stayed in.

why i stayed in is a conversation i don’t want to have.

but, instead, i you-tubed.

and i found some classic cringes. Anybody remember indecent obsession?

(my siblings just cringed)

why oh why oh why. why oh why oh why were they so cool back then? why?

but, then. then i found something i’d forgotten.

to correct an earlier blog post of mine, i was front row of this man’s concert once. my very first concert.

and, weirdly, it made me miss something. rather, someone. someone i didn’t even know then.

but that’s another story altogether. probably one i’ll keep for myself. just like them.

i got to laughing though. and i looked back.

if i had known me at 14. in a skinny green dress, wearing funny shoes.

i wonder what my 14-year old self would think of my 29-year old self.

that was more than half of my life away.

at 14, youtube didn’t exist. but i’m willing to bet i’d be having foot-stomping fights with my dad about bandwidth right now, if it had.

at 14, i thought i was in love with a boy called marc. whose second name bore a remarkable resemblance to my own.

at 14, my best friend jo-anne thought he was a ginormous fucktard.

she was completely right. he dumped me on new years eve. shortly after returning from said concert.

at 14, i had just started to think that i might like to write.

at 14, i hated my legs. i still do.

at 14, i was only just learning how to laugh.

at 14, i was still wearing that fucking aliceband

by the next year, i’d have dumped the stupid thing and i’d cringe a little less.

by the year after that, i’d have my hair hanging in my face constantly.

by the year after that, i’d probably like the me of today if i were to meet me.

(does that make any sense?)

and i’m left. left with a thought.

a thought that i hope my daughter grows up with these golden moments of life in her life too. that, one day, Cam will sit at her computer at a friday night and laugh with friends about her own aliceband fixation, and giggle at the inane lyrics of a band she used to be fanatical over.

i wish for Cam, the brightest life.

at 14, i didn’t know it. but i already had it.

no matter how many times i read it, i sometimes forget it.

just because…

never make someone a priority in your life when you’re just an option in theirs.

]]> http://cathjenkin.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/qotd-12/feed/ 2 cathjenkin http://cathjenkin.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/smeets/ http://cathjenkin.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/smeets/#comments Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:32:07 +0000 cathjenkin http://cathjenkin.wordpress.com/?p=2803 ]]>

Check it out here

Ever had the need to drop a quick tweet on the go? Via SMS, perhaps.

I started using it last night and it rocks! Mainly, probably because it’s made by none other than superhero, Kish

The b(l)og roll… scroll down a little, to the right… there you go, it’s under

reciprocate.

Do you read it? Do you get it? Do you ever click on through?

Are you pissed because you’re not on it?

Hehe. Some of you should be

Some of you no longer have any reason to be

My point is. I read these people. Every day. So should you.

(this blogpost is brought to you at 00h47. i will sleep sometime, promise).

this is my song for today.

this version particularly.

it’s been a HELL of day.

Work insanity. Cam sick.

I think headless chickens have a better chance of walking straight with a blindfold on, than I did today.

And at midnight, when I am talking to a good friend.

After being loved and supported through the insanity of the day by good friends…

I am left listening to this.

I want you to listen to this too.

Because now…

Now I am okay.

Thank you.

So much.

incomplete – a.n.m.

One day I’ll find relief
I’ll be arrived
And I’ll be friend to my friends who know how to be friends
One day I’ll be at peace
I’ll be enlightened and I’ll be married with children and maybe adopt
One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete

One day my mind will retreat
And I’ll know God
And I’ll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I’ll be secure
Like the women I see on their thirtieth anniversaries

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete

Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous
And torturous
And never done

One day I will speak freely
I’ll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I’ll be trusting and spacious authentic and grounded and home

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete

i heart you my friends.

in this absolute chaos of the day.

i heart you.

you keep me strong.

with the emails, the messages, the tweets, the texts, the calls.

you keep me strong.

thank you.

larcy

made me smile today.

thank you my 99percenter.