i may

throw a seismic shitfit today.

 

Oh, If Only

one thing to say about this week..

WHAT. Ever.

I’m so sick of:

- people whining. you dont like your job? get another one.

- people whining. dont like where you live? get another one.

- people whining.  feeling unfairly done by? dont expect me to change it. do something about it. That said, when you have a legitimate bitch, and have done something about it and it’s still not working, then you have a right to complain and ask for help.

Sorry, but i had to kick my own ass too. Start kicking your own too. Stop waiting for me to do it. You wont like me when im angry.

On another note, all is well. Am just annoyed with people who whine and do nothing. The world ain’t doing you any favours, babies. It’s her Earth you walk on. Deal with it.

A listy list because I can…

1. I am… thankful, busy as fuck, and alive.

2. I think… I can’t wait for the weekend. Weddings (not mine), home movings (not mine) and relax-time (mine)

3. I’m singing…nest – bhora. i have no idea why. it’s been stuck in my head for two days.

4. I’m sighing at…my itunes. which has gone belly up and refuses to do anything but stare at me and say “screw you, I shall not play any more ABBA to keep your spirits up chick”

5. I’m concerned about…people who steal. People who steal from good people. Really good people, who give and care. And then they get fucked right over. You, you person I trusted and loved and gave everything I could to, you disgust me. You wittled my faith and took away something very, very precious to someone I care about like family. Quite frankly, fuck you.

6. I love…my daughter, my sent-straight-out-of-heaven friends, my insane-crazy family.

7. I want…another chocolate brownie. (hehe, thank you Sue)

8. I wish for…there to just be an ounce more fairness in the world. Just an ounce would go a far way.

9. I’m getting over…virgin flipping mobile. Refund me, you bunch of incompetents.

10. I’m learning…to forgive you for once again, neglecting to realise what that means.  I can’t always expect you to know, when you really had no desire to do so, and still don’t really. I don’t think you ever really will, and really ever have.

11. I’m listening…to some sweet ass silence in the office for a change.

12. I’m headed for…my login page to get some work done.

Later, peeps.

(yes, thats a 12, and gluggie, well, you know what I’m gonna say )

random thoughts whilst my head is lost in formatting

1. I’m really happy for you, you know. even though you think it’s just crap backlash from me. It’s just joy for you. I’ve always believed in you longer and farther than you ever did. But then, you know this. And if you don’t by now, well, yeah, I guess we know how that turns out.

2. I am so utterly devastated for you. But, I believe in you. This shit will not get you down. Nor keep you down. You’re not alone.

3. I wish you would shut up and stop thinking that your existence in my sphere is a blessing I have yet to realise. Dude, trust me, I realised my blessings way before you gulped your way through the door. I don’t need the alleged blessing of you, thanks.

4. No, that’s not how I feel about life. I don’t really care how you feel about that, either.

5. I can’t wait to see your face.

6. Seriously. It’s been seven years, it seems and yet you can pick any fucking random day of any fucking year and you choose today to swan right onto my phone line and say “oh hi, how you doing?” Fuck you in your eye for that, yo.

7. Couches. Plumbers. The longer relation word. His pants fit yours. Well roundedness like flour settling. Let’s just go do the big block and dye our hair blue.

8. I don’t even know how to tell you that what you’ve asked for is impossible. Sure, everything’s possible but, it’s just not possible with what I have to work with. Deal with this, soon.

9. When I tell you about that and you cry because you feel like you didn’t do something, you did. Your existence was enough. I’ll never forget that.

10. Sometime very soon, I will forgive myself for feeling responsible for your actions. Fuck knows what’ll help you then.

11. Sleep deprivation makes you doubt everything. Yourself included. Please excuse me.

12. I can never thank you enough for being with me.

I’m Just Saying.

So, that rant… it ain’t over, folks. Part 2 of a rant that’s been building up within me for a while and this sunny afternoon, i let the vitriol roll…

1. You remember the years and eons we spent drawing up deadlines and colour coordinating them and getting them ratified and having them rubberstamped, licked by seals or whatever the fuck it is we needed to do? Yeah? You see the trashcan? That’s you putting them in there. Not me. So, quit whining and help out. Thanks thanks.

2. To the cashier at the Spar this morning. Kak. Stories. Did you die, reincarnate and are now only equipped with one working digit and a molested braincell? Is swiping my Super M’s over the ray-ray thing and having it go bleep thaaat fucking hard? It is? Oh right. Cool. Well, whilst you’re really busy doing that, and I’m really busy trying not to smack you right into a coma for being a fucking numbnut, how ’bout you remember that eggs.are.fragile. Chipper? Got it? Kiff. ‘Cause I ain’t paying for those that you chucked down the chutey-chute thing to get them into a packet, yo. Oh, and yes, your Snoop Doggy Dog-esque haircut? Yeah, the one with the braids. Dude. Braids.Are.For.Girls. Get over yourself, yo.

3. Yeah. You singing loudly… It does irk me. Alot. Yes, sure, your mama once said you “had a voice of an angel”. Reality check, oke. Your mama is a deaf mute. Chippers!

4. You don’t like my swearing? Oh, I apologise. Dost my foul mouth make your flaking ears bleed? Oh, it’s unnecessary. I’ll show you unnecessary, oke. I’ll show you how unnecessary my middle finger is. ^!^

5. Pardon? Sorry? You want me to move out your way because you’re trying to walk past me? Okay, dude who clearly is blind. That must suck being blind, I’m sorry. Oh, you’re not? Great. Because, if you’re not, then you’ll be able to see, quite clearly, that I’m standing here, holding approximately 65 kilograms of baggage, a three-year old and my 7AM sanity, just intact. So, no, oke, I ain’t moving over. There’s a whole fucking planet of sidewalk if you just hit a little lefty there. See it? Great. Fuck off, then.

6. So, you went to KFC. Whilst you were there, you completely forgot who the fuck I am and what I believe in and you clearly forgot about the great big KFC CRUELTY poster on my office wall. Right, Right. Okay, so when you CAME BACK and walked into my office bearing me “a thank you present” of dead slaughtered hormone-filled rounder, you thought you were doing a super thing? Right. Thanks. Clearly, you need that billboard or maybe you just need to take your loudly-masticating head out of that there Family Feast Bucket.

7. Nort. Your obnoxiously loud concert does not make me want to “join in the jol”. It makes me want to smack your head in with a brick… But, hey, if smacking your head in with a brick IS your idea of a “jol” then, hecks, I’m keen. Keeping my child up way past her bedtime with your incessant uumtiss uumtiss tikka tikka breyani vleis choons did not make me smile. Eskom, please, if a power cut was ever a good idea, last night woulda been a super time.. I’m just saying.

Happy Friday everyone. And remember, don’t let the idiots get you down

Message to Cath

Message to Cath from the Universe: Cath, your machine is stuck on a loadshedding cycle. Please insert batteries.

Message from Cath to Eskom: You are such a biscuit! You should be put back in the tin!

So, last night, I finally found out what fucking block I’m in and when to expect loadshedding at the CathCam-andsoontobeSheena Abode.

Now that I’ve figured that out, purely by waiting to see when it would happen, bloody Eskom won’t stick to the schedule at all, I know.

So, loadshedding from 8pm last night, just as I was settling on to the couch and thinking “yep. I’m in the mood for some popcorn…fuck, there goes that plan”.

So, I had my cigarette, pondered life, attempted to insert batteries into torch (if you think I’m a retard in daylight…well, you should see me in the dark…) watched the pedestrians cross the street in the darkness (wait. I’ll get back to that point…*) and went to bed, after annoying my friends by text.

Interesting to note, that (a) I have a perfect view of the city lights and yet, have NEVER seen them loadshedded, and that included the goddamn ugly billboards and (b) that, with loadshedding all around, traffic lights included, one street light remained on. As Galaxian said, “It’s South Africa! What do you expect?” He makes a good point.

The power came back up, I don’t know when, and went up and down and all around and did a little tango with it’s fandango all night.

So, we get up this morning, Cameron goes off to school, and I proceed to go grocery shopping, because I know my office is being loadshedded this morning.

Super, have opportunity to take it slowly this morning, and get some groceries done.

So, I walk into the store.

Guess what they have, folks?

Yep, fucking loadshedding.

So, I get what I can and go home.

Guess what’s at home, folks?

Yep, fucking loadshedding.

(Out of schedule too! Yay! Eskom Biscuits for everyone!)

So, I think, may as well go to the office.

Guess what’s at the office, folks?

Yep. Fucking loadshedding.

It’s times like these when my inner Ferris wants to run to the beach.

Probably wouldn’t be able to buy a freaking milkshake though, because they’ll have…

Yep. Fucking loadshedding.

*Why, why, why are people so dumb? It’s fucking pitch black outside, there are NO traffic lights, and yet there are pedestrians ahoy, jumping in and out of the road and in between cars. Seriously, does nobody understand the concept of dark and light and road safety anymore? Are we not teaching that in schools anymore?

Updated:

Please spare a thought for my SuperBoss.

She discovered last night that all of her three boys have lice.

Yep, lice. Grand.

And could she find a pharmacy open and able to sell her the very necessary get-rid-of-lice shampoo? Not a fuck. They were all closed due to, you guessed it folks,

Yep. Fucking loadshedding.

So, thanks Eskom, we now have three kids, with lice, one of whom had his head shaved and vacuumed (yes, vacuumed, as in, with a Hoover). One littley who itches like mad, and one littler who is thus far, okay.

All being taken care of, and running itchy-rampant, at home because none of them can go to school (as in “Do not bring your child of itch in here, you parents! You keep your children’s hair too clean! You demons, you!), by a pregnant Princess (her name’s Princess, but in my book, she’s a real one).

New tagline for you Eskom peeps – Causing involuntarily shavathons all over the country.

(on a sidenote, SuperBoss, good thing you didn’t have loadshedding last night at home, otherwise the vacuum wouldn’t have worked. Gah!)

P.S. I’d like, very much, to stab Eskom, but you know how uncoordinated I am when it comes to crockery…

and finally…

i’m not crazy. i’ve just been in a very bad mood for the last 27 years.

as we are.

particularly for the two of us who cannot leave the house today and are sitting on opposite ends of the fishbowl.

(not mine)

predictable as we are
we laugh at the same jokes and watch similar movies and have tastes much alike sort or less and use nothing than our intellectual talents

dependable as we are
we start off on our first trip to paris and though we travel our own highways we only degrade those who degrade us

foreseeable as we are
we turn black into white and the other way around
and you loving your cheese and wine and me loving everything that at least is a little bit unacceptable

acceptable as we are
we let our functions work properly and much more we do not share any secrets
sometimes the thought of that is frightening

amicable as we are
we both laugh and cry submit to our own fears and have simultaneous experiences have our do’s and our don’t’s some for the better and some for the worse why even care

lovable as we are
we shake hands and ceremonial gatherings our friendliness postponed to better moments and our likeabilities postponed to those dear to us

unforgettable as we are
we love our midnight conversations
thank god lack matching outfits and do not listen to the same music though we know what we are when we are together and know what we aren’t when we are seperated

dysfunctional as we are
lacking some sense in our lives yet somehow making it through each day

sightseeable as we are
we know where we are altogether honest and open
it’s a dirty world but we manage to survive with our evergrowing love fears and trust and wisdom overall intact