i always giggle inwardly

when you email me and swear.

it’s then that i know things are okay.

some days, i fucking hate where i work. other days, i just wanna hug it all.

WAHAHAHAHAHAH

i heart you julia.

thank you for coffee.

GO ESKOM! you’re feeding my ferris wagon here you parastatal piece of poopoocaca.

then again, one person’s genius, is another person’s poopoocaca.

thank fuck for this very useful HSDPA modem thingamawhatsit.

hello spidey. hello configuration page that i loathe.

hello breakfast at tiffany’s

you’ll say. we’ve got nothing in common…

that is all

a letter to noone. subject: things you dont know about your office

1. retards have a daily cycle. every day. at 9am. the idiots emerge with their whiney ass dumb questions, in a baby voice. by 09h40, they’ve worked their way up into a frenzy and i cannot ignore them any longer. by 10h30, they are silent. and will leave me alone so long as they don’t fuck anything up.

2. every day, and i mean every day, i contemplate drugging everyone around me with arsenic. it usually dwindles during the day and by afternoon, i’ve consoled myself with the idea of just putting vodka in the water cooler. just because, it’d be fun to see you lots piffed as sarts and attempting to retain your work personalities. i’d like to see what’s really under all that stuff.

3. i have typed out my resignation letter more times than i have dialled your number.

4. i know i send the most email. i also know i’m not the biggest bandwidth bitch. THAT is for another day.

5. everyone has a right to their opinion. i also have a right to ignore it.

6. i have a random collection of batteries. a lot of them. i order, we purchase, i hoard. it happens. j used to do it with pritt. other people in this office do it with toilet paper. i’m not joking. you think people shit that much here? no doofus, they’re taking it home!

7. i can get more done in a day than most of you in a week. that’s with you lot bleating at me constantly, two IM systems going, a virtual girlie email party happening and my family on the phone. imagine what i could do if you left me alone.

8. i loathe meetings. waste of time. i’d rather just get on with my work, and you lot should just get along.

9. one of us spends approximately 15 to 25 minutes in the toilet every time they go in there. I don’t even want to know what they’re doing in there.

10. I cannot bloody stand powerpoint presentations. they suck in ways i cannot express. stop using them. OR EMAILING JOKE ONES TO EACH OTHER.

11. I receive a lot of crap email every day. ninety percent of it emanates from within the office.

12. i have a certain set of music i listen to. trust me, if i didn’t…you wouldn’t be alive.

13. i cannot stand hoverers. ask your question, get your answer and fuck off. i’m not that keen on hearing your opinion on the latest political development or the weather. it’s hot. i know. now what the fuck do you want me to do about it?

14. there’s a big ass reason why i lock stuff away. it’s because you don’t know how to use it. so leave it alone, and no i don’t want to show it to you.

15. don’t use words if you don’t know what they mean. don’t pretend to be clever, and then use it in the wrong context. it makes me want to punch your face in.

16. i love you, dearly. but sometimes i want to staple post it notes to your forehead.

17. we have far too much paper here. we don’t need it. sometimes i wonder if i could just drop a burning cigarette into all of it.

18. i hate that the walls are yellow.

19. you think i have a random approach to things. i don’t. there’s a beauty in the chaos. you’ve seen it before, now leave me alone to create thanks.

[14:28:00] C@th says: mwah
[14:28:17] C@th says: am waiting on norton to uninstall
[14:28:20] C@th says: fuck i love my life

/end

/goes to make pizza.

/hates norton. the AV, not the cat.

/real end.

okay.

okay.

a. beautiful storm last night. lay on the couch, watched it with cam cuddled into me and noddy doing his wooden ‘i’ve lost my legs and i’m a frigging homo’ dance.
b. everything’s wet now. waha. it’s not noddy’s fault though.
c. isn’t is weird and yet cool, that a storm and tsunami-like rain either cleanses or bogs people down. i wish that had been a cleansing storm.
d. will the WANKER on the harley at 1am or whatever the fsck the time was, who thought he was SO cool revving his ‘fiets’ for far too long, stalling it and then wankering around my road with it, just die or something. or, like, have his bike accidentally ride over his foot. that’d be grand, mr ‘ohmygodihaveaharleyandawillyiuseapairoftweezerstojerkoff’. you motherfucking jerk.

/end

it’s hump day. which is great. except i woke up from weird and random dream where someonelovely was punching the shit out someonenotlovely outside the willows and i was watching the wonderfulness of it all (trust me, someonenotlovely deserves and probably needs a smack), and in my head, i thought it was friday. so waking up to find it was wednesday was vaguely disappointing.

i clearly have anger issues.

/the real end.

monday.

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE

lesson 452 in how to calm me the fuck down

electrical contractor fucktards have been in my office for two days. drilling. fucking around. not getting anything done.

they claim completion at 10am.

at 10h15am we check and try and get everyone back online.

of course, nothing works.

a small, unshoed whirlwind of bad mood slams shit around, curses at servers unwilling to cooperate and yells more.

me, i am known for throwing my shoes at people.

today being monday, i did a funny, funny thing. i have had 0.235784790 seconds of sleep.

i am tired. i am not pleased. i am annoyed. i am not interested. i am also at work without any shoes on.

my shoes, the one thing i needed today.

this is how you get me through it:

Cath says:
i cannot actually tell you
Cath says:
how badly i am throwing toys
silentheroperson says:
hahahaha
silentheropersonsays:
good thing you left your shoes at home
Cath says:
*kills silentheroperson*
Cath says:
WAHAHAHAHAH
silentheroperson says:
i dont think anyone is going to take seriously this short, cute, barefoot raving loony lol

it takes a very brave person to throw snark in my face at a time like that, and to make me laugh at myself when i’m about ready to commit genocide. kudos.

over it now.

roll on weekend.

quotes: “Sublimating my rage towards you with cheesecake.”

/finishes cake. returns to tigger state.

leek sandwiches

leek sandwiches! this is the limit!

this is my job