The Shoes

Dear Cameron,

As you grow (and my word, you are growing so fast and so awesomely), you have one element of life as a girl of which I am so proud and yet, it is so very tiring.

You, my girl, from your earliest days, have been and always will be, a shoe fetishist.

The good kind though, you do not demand the purchase of a million pairs of shoes all at once. The good kind is the type where you LIKE a pair of shoes, and will NOT let them go. Not for toffee or bribery or anything I can muster up to convince you that “no, those shoes are really done for now and you should really wear this pair”.

You, my Cameron, are stubborn. This is not your fault. It’s genetic. And when you LOVE something or someone, you LOVE them. Wholeheartedly, and without inhibition.

And so, when you LOVE your shoes, you really do LOVE them.

You see, Cameron. I’ve known this about you since birth. I knew you would be a shoe fetishist. I have an affinity for shoes, and I love my favourite pairs and yes, I wear them to death’s door and just cannot let them go. Just one look at Mommy’s “smartie slops”and you’ll know this to be true.

Your very first proper pair of ’shoes’, were a pair of Vans that Anne bought for you on your first birthday. Before then, it had been booties and little slip on guys that you loved in much the same way – those red and blue ones stick in my mind particularly. You loved those slip-ons.

So, then appeared the Vans. With the velcro and the cool skulls and whilst some parents of other children would look a little askew at the ’strange parents who let their one-year old wear shoes with skulls on’, we did not care. You loved those shoes, and we loved that you loved them and we all loved how divine they were and how much they embodied your definitive coolness.

You wore those Vans everyday. You loved them. Even on the days when I would have to wash them.. you’d wait for them to dry in the sunshine just so that you could slip them on again and feel cool again.

My babe, you’re the coolest kid, even in your socks. Don’t forget that.

Then you grew some more, and those Vans needed to ‘move on’. And we found what you term your “sky present shoes”. A little pair of camo slip-ons, with a buckle and thick sole. And you loved them from the moment I put them on your feet.

And every day since that you put them on.

But those ’sky present shoes’ wore thin quickly, and we spent months cajoling and going shopping for new shoes. Hells, it got to Winter and you refused. You said “I will wear them with socks!”.

And, you stubborn girl, you did.

And then we finally found – your pink dancing shoes.

With the velcro and now that you were bigger, you could put them on and take them off by yourself and you loved them. LOVED them.

But, you were nearing three, fast, and being the tomboy you are, they started to fall apart quickly.

So, I spent six weeks trying. Taking you shopping, showing you shoes, purchasing no less than three pairs of shoes that you took some kind of a liking to in the stores and bringing them home.

You wearing those new shoes, proudly.

And the moment we’d walk in the front door, you’d sit down, take those lovely new shoes off and demand your dancing shoes.

I got to the point once where I just sat and sobbed over it.

Your stubbornness was defeating even me – the most stubborn of all. I’d tried everything – rainbow shoes, shoes with laces, shoes with little heels, shoes that sang, shoes that were pink, shoes that were green, anything).

So, i gave in. I caved.

I phoned your dad whilst I was at work one day.

And asked him to try and take you out shopping and see if he could get you to fall in love with a pair of shoes, and keep them on for more than five minutes and somehow, SOME.HOW, we could eliminate the ’sky present shoes’ and the ‘dancing shoes’ from the equation. I was desperate at this point, determined to somehow get new shoes on your feet…

The next day, a Friday, you woke up and we had our morning cuddle and I began the ritual of trying to catch you into wearing clean clothes for school and get your shoes on, and your face clean. I try and make it fun, I promise. And really, I do, with “spiders” and Super Mommy Powers and flying whooshing noises and cuddles and promises of “yes, i’m sure you can have a pony one day, Cam-Cam, if you’ll just let me get your socks on”…

So that Friday, I looked at you, you looked at me, and I said what I say every day:

“Cam-Cam, what shoes do you want to wear today?”

(and I hope and pray, every day, that you’d ask for not-the-dancing-shoes or not-the-sky-present-shoes).

And you looked at me, laughed and said:

“Mommy, you know, I want my new rainbow shoes”.

gratitude.

Honest to blog, blog, whenever I am to experience something hard, something uncomfortable, something that hurts, i know I always have an army behind me.

And yesterday, well, my army was there in full force and war paint. It’s there, everyday, you know, but on the days that I have to be a warrior princess, I know I can count on my army to march directly behind me.

(note to Sheena – I’ve just figured out the ants marching noise. hah).

Anyway, me and my army. Yes, my army. I am so thankful for them.

But, believe it or not, blog, my army isnt even commanded by me. it just is. And moreover, it answers to one much smaller and braver than I. Such a brave little girl with such big curls. The truth is, my Super Mommy Powers are entirely borne from the strength and courage of her.

Thank you, you all know, quite well, who you are. I know you were holding my hand and hers. Thank you.

28 years. A letter to myself.

0 – born. you looked like a frog and kind of like your maternal grandmother in a bad mood.

1 – walking. according to reports, a real personality. keen on playing at early hours of morning. already found your niche and primeval swamp

2 – talking. alot. “you know why catherine is so heavy? because she is full of words!”

3 – preschool. you met karen, vaughn and a litany of people who would smack back into your life 25 years later with aplomb and full of memories.

4 – biting your nails already by this age. stubborn.

5 – began school. at this stage you looked remarkably alot like your daughter does now. on the first day of school, you left your mom at the classroom door and said “i can do it by myself”

6 – your best friends are karen, taryn and daine. at karen’s birthday party, there was the ‘interesting’ pool incident.

7 – you move to a small town with your family and start to hate and love life at the same time. you hate the small town. you love having a swimming pool, although you never get into it properly. this is the year you learn another language.

8 – you move back to the primeval swamp. you are so happy to be home.

9 – you’re at a new school. you meet some of the people who will be around forever. your clearest memory of this year is of the person who will one day become your child’s father standing in class queue, and losing your ring. and of charlene fainting. your best friend is tracy and she’s crazy then, and she’s crazy now.

10 – you begin to rebel and cut up your swimming costume in a fit of I DO NOT WANT TO BE THROWN INTO THE POOL AGAIN DURING SWIMMING LESSONS AT SCHOOL THANK YOU. I WILL LEARN IN MY OWN TIME. You hate a lot that year. You have an awesome teacher though. The cat pees on your homework. Someone you will meet again many years later, will remember this.

11 – you are sat next to your lifelong friend in class. stuff you don’t like starts to come out of the woodwork. You have a good teacher, a lovely heart and a new kitty familiar to get you through. You hate cold places. You teach yourself to swim.

12 – you’re elected prefect. Bart Simpson is king of the world and you have a hoodie to prove it. You have no idea why you’re elected prefect but, you meet someone extremely special and strong this year. She will be a guide and inspiration to you for many days, even on her wedding day. Your best friend is Charlene, and you start noticing boys, boobs and the word “bollocks”.

13 – you begin the dreaded high school. Your best friend is Jo. You do fight alot. You kiss a boy for the first time. Many years later, he is working with your best friend.

14 – you bring home your first ‘boyfriend’. You dump him before he realises how crap you are and dumps you, Jo walks home with you. You really think you are crap. You ditch the alice band. You get dumped on New Years Eve.

15 – you lose your virginity. You hate that statement. You meet Steve. Again. Waha. You start going out and loving the crazy life. You meet Sarah. You do crazy, silly things and enjoy “talking to aliens”. Steve breaks up with you but you’re never far from each other’s side. You meet Kate one night in a freezing cold swimming pool. You start to write.

16 – you’re loving life. You have awesome friends, you have an infatuation we can safely call bruce. (hindsight is so 20/20…), you begin to spend a lot of time with Jose. and Michael. and Matthew. You start to realise that people are different and don’t always respond well when thrown into a room together. One night during a horror movie, Steve catches you beginning to create the future. He is not shocked. You are a little. You try on a million personalities. You keep a few. You write and write and write.

17 – you feel a little lost but, certain to continue trying.  You meet the person who’s name is on his shirt. You lose interest way earlier than anyone else notices. You go to your matric dance, you hate every second. you realise very quickly that you’re there with the wrong person so, you and your partner in crime, Janet, smoke and laugh at the ridiculousness of everyone. Your sister leaves for the UK. You finish school and do well. You have no idea how. Jose dies. You miss your friend from that day on.

18 – you start varsity. deciding that path in life was one of the most exciting times of your life. it was that experience that taught you about your dad and how much he gives a shit. After ignoring him, actively, for many years, you start to rely on him more and more. You meet Graeme. You have a sweet relationship, a true college romance. You meet Garry and Stu. You do well at uni, and finish off first year quite drunk and somewhere in a swimming pool.

19 – You begin second year, a little more sure about life. You start to realise more and more about yourself, what you hate and what you want to keep. You spend more and more time with the people some people deem as ‘inferior’ or ‘rebellious’. You don’t care. You get a part-time job at the video store. You ditch Graeme, you remain close though. You do well, and by the time you finish that year, you’ve decided on a few things. You re-meet a nice boy and spend some time learning about how life truly isn’t about how much you can gain, but about how people matter way more.  You finish your degree and celebrate by stamping your dad’s toe by accident and smoking a cigar.

20 – you spend a lot of time at home with your dad. In hindsight, you love this time. You study, you work (the video store years!), you spend a lot of time having fun, you realise you’re in love with someone who’s loved you since his 7th birthday. The words “once upon a rooftop sat…” resonate alot around your life. Garry and Steve move to Ireland and thus begins the ’spleenvent’ email series. You get your first ‘real’ job and meet J&R, who become your other parents. You get chickenpox.

21 – You get your first ‘real’ job and meet J&R, who become your other parents. You get chickenpox. You ravish up unemployment with writing. You love sitting in your window writing. You muse and live and love. You get your second ‘real’ job. You get your heart broken. You meet Allan.

22 – You move out of home into the second 6 of your addresses. You love living with Allan. You love the wooden floors, you love the craziness. You attempt to cook chicken and instantly go vegetarian. You love the constant music, the mad neighbours (yes, thats you Neville!) You collapse and are medicated for depression. Your dad celebrates with you with chelsea buns. You quit your job. J&R find you a new one with them. Allan leaves. You move home and hate it. You’re obnoxious and unpleasant. And unsure of yourself. So so so unsure of yourself. You keep writing.

23 – you find a new home, the third six in your domestic addresses. You live with Tam. Life is good, crazy and excellent. You and her get lost a lot. You love life. You’re single. You’re not. You’re single. You’re not. Whatever. it doesn’t matter. Life’s great. You meet Mr K. Life is a great party. You meet Micky and Gabi and a lunacy of wonderful people. Some of them, in later years, turn out to not be wonderful. You lick a girl called Lauren’s face. You laugh. You have no idea how that’ll save your life one day. One night at the Winston, a beautiful blond girl says to you “Nice rack. We’re going to be the best of friends forever”. She is right. Garry comes home to visit and you invent the cigarette game. He decides to come home to the madness.

24 – you love life. You decide you want to be with the person you feel closest to. It’s strange and comfort and warm. You move homes and live with Garry and Galaxian. The GaMaCa R***job House, the first 12 in your domestic address history. You keep writing. You have wonderful people, you still worry about whether or not you’re doing the right thing. You begin to learn about your anger. Your dad has a stroke. You worry.you go to splashy and hate it. your brother gets married to the girl he loves above all.  You write alot.

25 – You have Vic in your life, cash crusaders ‘n’ all. On Christmas Eve, your sister says “i’ll bet you anything you’re pregnant” whilst she’s got you in a change room in a shopping mall, trying on the world’s ugliest pink skirt as an alleged “bridesmaid posssibile outfit”. You go home, you pee on a stick. Your sister “gets the camera”. You phone Garry. Your parents are over the moon. Your brother comes home for the first time in ages. Galaxian does not speak for two weeks. You freak out alot. You stop writing for a long time. Your sister gets married. By the time your parents get home from the wedding, your father is dying.

You spend a lot of time with him when you are pregnant. You can’t write. You have no idea what to do. You keep believing. Somehow. You move back to your third domestic address.

You give birth in an insanely fast way. You meet your daughter. You fall in love. Mother lion love. You want to protect at all costs. This never changes.

Your father dies two days after you fail to recognise him and three weeks after his first grandchild is born. You cannot write. You cannot cry. You just stare. You get left alone alot. It is not anyone’s fault.

26 – you are medicated for depression. You go numb. You start to write again. You write your way right back into life. You do it for you, You do it for her. You do it for her, again and again and again. Your child is electrocuted one day at school. She gets pneumonia. Your mother lion love grows and grows.  You force dangerous things out and lose the person you love the most because you have to, to survive.  you live alone, you try at love again and fail. You don’t know why. You try everything, your Mother lion love keeping you warm at night. You live alone with your little child. You worry. You never sleep. Your Mother lion love keeps you going. Your friends love you the way you need. You are okay. Your niece is born.

27 – you end up in hospital. garry saves your life YET again. you spend five days pondering the meaning of life, solidly, and without interruption. you meet someone. you battle. you finally let go. it’s so sad he cannot stay. your heart is broken so that it can finally work properly – without expectation. you write and write and you cannot stop at all. you are sad, and alone, but okay. you keep writing. lauren arrives at your house with yellow flowers. Your Mother Lion Love and your Friends keep you going. You miss your dad. The sixes and twelves surround you every day. You write like never before.

28 – you meet the first person to ever truly stop you on your best friend’s birthday. you doubt and doubt and doubt yourself, you spend a lot of time wondering. you smile alot. you’re still astounded by them even though you don’t tell them. you try to do something that is the safe option in life. You are so wrong. You are broken again. You learn about getting up. Your second niece is born. Your Mother Lion Love grows. Every single one of your high school friends has children. You keep writing. You live with someone so much like you it’s the comfort you wanted at home all along.

You are brave. You step straight into love. You don’t run anymore. You shout COWS alot. You are so happy. You are unashamedly silly and it’s the warmest room in your house of life.

Your courage is rewarded. You have a crazy life. Busy. Vibrant. Full of love.

You are so blessed.

Happy Birthday.

p.s. SOTD – Incomplete – a line from it: I have been running so sweaty my whole life, Urgent for a finish line,
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete

yous

lazy sunday.

thanks for a good one galaxian.

remind me, next time we take cam shopping, to JUST BUY IT.

HAHAH.

Message to Cath

Message to Cath from the Universe: Cath, your machine is stuck on a loadshedding cycle. Please insert batteries.

Message from Cath to Eskom: You are such a biscuit! You should be put back in the tin!

So, last night, I finally found out what fucking block I’m in and when to expect loadshedding at the CathCam-andsoontobeSheena Abode.

Now that I’ve figured that out, purely by waiting to see when it would happen, bloody Eskom won’t stick to the schedule at all, I know.

So, loadshedding from 8pm last night, just as I was settling on to the couch and thinking “yep. I’m in the mood for some popcorn…fuck, there goes that plan”.

So, I had my cigarette, pondered life, attempted to insert batteries into torch (if you think I’m a retard in daylight…well, you should see me in the dark…) watched the pedestrians cross the street in the darkness (wait. I’ll get back to that point…*) and went to bed, after annoying my friends by text.

Interesting to note, that (a) I have a perfect view of the city lights and yet, have NEVER seen them loadshedded, and that included the goddamn ugly billboards and (b) that, with loadshedding all around, traffic lights included, one street light remained on. As Galaxian said, “It’s South Africa! What do you expect?” He makes a good point.

The power came back up, I don’t know when, and went up and down and all around and did a little tango with it’s fandango all night.

So, we get up this morning, Cameron goes off to school, and I proceed to go grocery shopping, because I know my office is being loadshedded this morning.

Super, have opportunity to take it slowly this morning, and get some groceries done.

So, I walk into the store.

Guess what they have, folks?

Yep, fucking loadshedding.

So, I get what I can and go home.

Guess what’s at home, folks?

Yep, fucking loadshedding.

(Out of schedule too! Yay! Eskom Biscuits for everyone!)

So, I think, may as well go to the office.

Guess what’s at the office, folks?

Yep. Fucking loadshedding.

It’s times like these when my inner Ferris wants to run to the beach.

Probably wouldn’t be able to buy a freaking milkshake though, because they’ll have…

Yep. Fucking loadshedding.

*Why, why, why are people so dumb? It’s fucking pitch black outside, there are NO traffic lights, and yet there are pedestrians ahoy, jumping in and out of the road and in between cars. Seriously, does nobody understand the concept of dark and light and road safety anymore? Are we not teaching that in schools anymore?

Updated:

Please spare a thought for my SuperBoss.

She discovered last night that all of her three boys have lice.

Yep, lice. Grand.

And could she find a pharmacy open and able to sell her the very necessary get-rid-of-lice shampoo? Not a fuck. They were all closed due to, you guessed it folks,

Yep. Fucking loadshedding.

So, thanks Eskom, we now have three kids, with lice, one of whom had his head shaved and vacuumed (yes, vacuumed, as in, with a Hoover). One littley who itches like mad, and one littler who is thus far, okay.

All being taken care of, and running itchy-rampant, at home because none of them can go to school (as in “Do not bring your child of itch in here, you parents! You keep your children’s hair too clean! You demons, you!), by a pregnant Princess (her name’s Princess, but in my book, she’s a real one).

New tagline for you Eskom peeps – Causing involuntarily shavathons all over the country.

(on a sidenote, SuperBoss, good thing you didn’t have loadshedding last night at home, otherwise the vacuum wouldn’t have worked. Gah!)

P.S. I’d like, very much, to stab Eskom, but you know how uncoordinated I am when it comes to crockery…

A Letter to My 13-Year Old Self

Stolen of course, from Sheena. Haha.

Dear Cath

Please, take that fucking aliceband off. Please. For the Love of All That is Good. Thank you.

Stop pining for the normal that you think you deserve. It is an illusion. You will learn this, don’t panic. But, that normal you see presented before you, really is an illusion. In fifteen years time, you will see that the most normal things are strangely comforting, and not in the sense that you think they will be.

Steven Kruger will break your fucking heart. As will another Steve, but you’re going to love him for years beyond then.

Most of all, your alleged friends will break your heart.

That’s okay. The important ones will stick around. Unless, they die. Hang on to that thought for a while.

You should steer well clear of people called Clinton. Seriously. Aside from one that you will meet in adulthood. Just. Leave. Them. Be.

Funnily enough, your best friend will work with Steven Kruger at one point. And you and her will laugh ALOT. It will be the start of where you begin to realise just how fscking small the world really is.

Jo-anne is going to be in your life forever. So will Tracy. Bruce will not be. Leanne will be in your heart more in your twenties than she is now. Believe it. You’re going to hate each other a lot, but that’s okay, because one day, you’re going to look at each other and be on the same playing field. The round girl with the awesome hair in the class under you is going to be your strongest supporter of all time. Her name is Sarah.You will hurt her very much- this won’t change her quiet support of you. And one random friday, you’ll all be okay with it, and laugh about it. You and her will do a lot of dumb shit together, and will broadcast a television series to aliens from a rooftop. Believe it.

In fifteen years’ time, your best friends will be a vegan, a gay man and a guitarist. This will be normal for you, even though you have no idea what veganism is right now, think gays are people your parents and know and currently think guitars are things your brother plays in the air.

I promise you will receive love in your life. I cannot promise you that you will not be hurt. It will be venting that hurt that will uncover your greatest love, your greatest solace and your biggest fan.

One thing you will learn about love is that you give it better than you receive it.

Your parents are strange, admitted. Everyone will always feel at home in your home, except you. That’s okay. It’s got more to do with you than it does them. Your siblings love you, even though you all annoy each other. You will miss your house when it is gone. You are going to be regarded as a ’strange’ parent. Don’t worry, you’ve had good grounding.

Your brother is going to know everything. He will save you from alot. More than I want to tell you now. You will love and hate your siblings a million times over and around again. It doesn’t change the fact that they’re your siblings, for you, or for them.

People you meet will change your life in an hour. The good ones will stick around for many, many more hours.

1996 is going to be hell and heaven. Twelve years later, you’ll be doing deja vu on every front. It’s going to rock, and it’s going to suck. Don’t panic, you’ll do what you did then. You’ve got good grounding.

You will love one person for the rest of your life. You already know them. But you will not love them the way they need to be loved, nor will they love you the way you need to be loved. One day, you will both be okay with this and have another person to show for it.

Yep. Reread that line. It’s true.

Your teacher sat before you knows more about you than you know. You will love and hate them all at once, and you will do a lot of dumb things, and fun things. You will bunk a lot of school. Yes, you will. Believe it, little Miss Goody Two Shoes right now.

Stop trying to draw between the lines. And live between them. You weren’t made for it, and very soon, you will realise it.

You are not as fat as you think you are. Trust me, you’re gonna be a lot fatter in time to come. And a lot thinner too.

She is also nowhere near as perfect as you think or she thinks she is. One day she will serve you in a restaurant and you will revel in the beauty of life’s karma.

You’re going to bunk a lot of school. You’re going to love it. You’re going to start sucking life in and spewing it out and you will truly slipstream.

It’s going to be FUCKING amazing, and it’s going to FUCKING suck.

You will try to stopitall at 16. You will have had enough. You will fail.

You will try to stopitall again at 17. You will have had enough again. You will be stopped.

You are going to learn so much, and Darryn Turner is going to be the first person to make you realise you’re a person, and not a useless wallflower.

He’s going to teach you that in a strange way, and then try and take it from you.

You will learn how to fight for yourself very soon.

You.Will.Win.

You will have no idea where he is or what became of him within a month.

Pay attention to the people around you, and not the ‘cool kids’. Trust me on this one.

You are going to blame every single person around you one day, for stuff.

One day, you’ll start blaming yourself.

On another day entirely, you will begin to accept alot of it.

On a completely strange and horrible day, after a million horrible things have happened, you’ll meet someone who finally, finally, makes you not feel so alone in the world.

I have no idea what happens then.

You will have a lot of dreams. Your career dream now will be the same throughout school. It will end abruptly when you realise that it’s not for you, and you choose to amalgamate alot of what is within you into making something a little different.

You will do well at school, which will surprise everyone considering your alleged ‘behaviour’.

You will be envied in strange ways. Noone will tell you this until much later.

You will envy alot of things, but later on learn that the grass ain’t greener on the other side.

You will give up trying to be like the cool kids, and realise you never really wanted to be anyway.

That’s going to ROCK.

But, seriously, ditch the fucking aliceband.

Love
FutureMe C@th

random dream

Last night i dreamt you and I were sitting on a bed in a hotel room watching “an inconvenient truth”. sitting like we used to circa the 90’s watching wayne’s world on repeat.

RANDOM. like, we watched the whole thing. I’ll shit beans if the actual movie is anything like the one in my dream

i always have the best time with you

random and best time.

tea
chips
foties
paparazzi
pyjamas
cameron madness
shopping
talking shiz

sometimes i look at the day and it is indeed good.

monday evening thoughts

a. can i just not start on the finding-a-new-home-feeling-slapped-silly-right-now thing? great. thanks. more later. when i know. for sure. whatever the fuck happened to just keeping things simple, is beeeyond me. i wait, they wait, we wait. in the meantime, i’m planning a shindig. either way. it is indeed, the way forward.

b. can i just not start on the you’re-on-leave-come-into-the-office-to-find-things-fucked-with vibe-at-8am? k? kewl. just leaving it. it will happen again tomorrow. vomit.

c. can i not start on the spider-bite-from-hell on my left leg? great. grand. i’ll call when i’m in the emergency room, again, having an allergic reaction. again. kewl.

d. can i definitely start on how awesome it is to have all that stuff that’s been brewing around my head affirmed by you, and to be reminded by you that i’m not crazy and that it’s pretty much not my fucking fault. thank you. and highly, thank you for the 1am ciggie run.thank you thank you thank you. thank you also for finally saying “you know, sometimes, i just want to smack you in the head”, and for letting me say it back to you. moreover, i know even moreso, that you have my back, and i have yours. and it’s as we said: “there is a reason we grew up where we grew up”. screw anyone who thinks differently. arigato gozaimasu.

e. can i totally splurge on what an awesome day yesterday was? sunshine, friends, old ones, good ones, no sad ones, married ones, really tall ones, short ones, pregnant ones, not pregnant ones, loved ones, superfabulous ones, ones that talk too much, ones that don’t say much at all. shall we skip the ‘i fall off chairs easily’ incident? wahahah. safe to say, we had an awesome time. total. i fucking miss you mr and mrs curtis. it’s sad that you live halfway around the world. it’s not sad that when i see you, it’s like there’s been no time between us. cam loves that kangaroo, aka, kangawooooo.

f. when i look at my life on paper, it totally sucks. when i look up from the paper and look at everyone around me, i am the luckiest, richest person on the planet.

g. i miss you freakishly.

sotd: girl from mars – ash. see it here

(because well, i frigging am. nothing changes there.)

Do you remember the time I knew a girl from mars?
I don’t know if you knew that.
Oh we’d stay up late playing cards,
Henri winterman cigars.
Though she never told me her name,
I still love you, girl from mars.

Sitting in our dreamy days by the waters edge,
On a cool summers night.
Fireflies and the stars in the sky,
Gentle glowing light,
From your cigarette.
The breeze blowing softly on my face,
Reminds me of something else.
Something that in my memory has been replaced,
Suddenly it all comes back.
And as I look to the stars.

I remember the time I knew a girl from mars,
I dont know if you knew that.
Oh we’d stay up late playing cards,
Henri winterman cigars.
Though she never told me her name,
I still love you, girl from mars.

Surging through the darkness over the moonlight strand,
Electricity in the air.
Twisting all through the night on the terrace,
Now that summers here.
I know you are almost in love with me,
I can see it in your eyes.
Strange light shimmering over the sea tonight,
And it almost blows my mind
And as I look to the stars

I remember the time I knew a girl from mars,
I dont know if you knew that.
Oh we’d stay up late playing cards,
Henri winterman cigars.
Though she never told me her name,
I still love you, girl from mars.

Today I sleep in the chair by the window,
It felt as if youd returned.
I thought that you were standing over me,
When I woke there was no-one there.
I still love you, girl from..
Mars

Do you remember the time I knew a girl from mars?
I dont know if you knew that.
Oh wed stay up late playing cards,
Henri winterman cigars.
Though she never told me her name.

Do you remember the time I knew a girl from mars?
I dont know if you knew that.
Oh wed stay up late playing cards.
Henri winterman cigars.
And I still dream of you,
I still love you, girl from mars

one of three.

sotd – possibly maybe – bjork.

i love the album post. i love debut in much the same way. there is much resonation in bjork’s incoherent coherence.

as much as i definitely enjoy solitude, i wouldn’t mind perhaps, spending a little time with you. sometimes, sometimes. possibly maybe.

one of three good photos i have taken in my life:

there’s a video from this night. it’s part of the one-day-in-the-life of bit-type movie i once made. i hate the sound of my voice, but i remember making it, so well, for you. i laugh when i think that i actually sent it to you, once complete. and now, i only have some pieces of it. i wish i could phone you and ask you to send it back. but i have deleted your number now.