Cammertime

I’ve not seen Camster properly this month. With all the to-ing and fro-ing and flying around, tonight’s the first night we are home together, properly.

She’s walking around in her mermaid costume, telling me how much she loves me.

Tonight, she said…

“mommy, i didn’t miss you while you were away. you were in my heart all the time”

In everything that’s going on right now, in the world at large and the flurry of deadlines, meetings and general trying-to-stay-afloat, my daughter leaves me breathless.

Thank you, Cameron, for choosing me to be your mama.

my favourite word is mama

there you were.

at the end of a hard day, i was back in the proverbial saddle at work, fighting fires and trying not to grimace but, to truly smile.

you jumped off the swings at school, ran towards me, the word “mama!” leaping from your lips.

your eyes sparkled as though i was the easter bunny, christmas father /that’s your name for him/, the tooth fairy and the birthday fairy, all rolled into one.

you kissed my face and i knew.

i knew i was home.

so, we went home, into my room where presents waited for you.

my favourite word to hear is mama.

my favourite person is you.

today

today is the last day i will sit out here on my balcony.

after today, packing and moving to the new place begins slowly.

and next week, i move offices, and then homes.

(yes, i know, im crazy. heh)

this sitting on the balcony is my last time im gonna do it

nearly six years in total, i have been here.
these have been the happiest and saddest times of my life

this home, when shared and when not.

this home, when open and when shut.

this home, where i started to become the person  i wanted to be.

this home, where i became a mom.

this home, where i became me.

this home, where my friends come home and feel okay.

this home, where my heart is safe, even when the world spits it out.

this home, where my daughter awakes and says “mom. look, the sun says hello through our window”

…

a new beginning beckons.

Dear Cameron, on our new home

Dear Cameron

I know you’re very resistant to change and that you absolutely abhor the idea of a new home but, the time has come for you and I to start afresh and anew.

In your fourth year, we move to a new, divine little home. It is soon, my love, and I know that you and I will make it the home we both have with each other already. Trust mommy on this one, you will love it. No more crazy stairs to climb, no more funny lifts. A little garden in which to put your pool and  lovely wooden floors for us to walk upon.

It is quiet so, we’ll have to shout STUPID out the window less at people who make noise and the kitchen has really good baking space. We have a new oven for baker baker and my sweet girl, I know we can and will be happy there.

Noone is sadder than me to say goodbye to a home where I made myself a home for the first time in my life, on my own. The spirits and memories abound as I type this and the kettle boils itself again. Don’t worry, the kettle’s coming too.

It’s closer to the shops and to a park where we can walk and play. You love that little park, every day that we drive by it.

It’s away from the memories I don’t want to have anymore. That I don’t need and that you don’t need at all.

Yes, there is a second bedroom for you to play and pimp out as you wish. My darling child, you’ll see.

it was not force that led me to this new home, but serendipity indeed. Just as every day, we are charmed by fate, so that continues just the same.

I love you and I cannot wait to begin a new day in our new home.

Love

Your Mama.

november rain

so here i am, home again. home again to find divine person lying on narcolepsy couch and for divine sleep and snuggle.

i am working my ass off to meet a deadline, so im at home today. itunes pops up november rain and hey, yo, it’s raining outside. and it’s november. hah.
not much from the random thoughts desk today, i’m busy summoning all my fairy dust (and trust me, it works!) to get the job done.

catch you soon blogland.

=)

(btw. thank you for the Not-Tea, MsBehavn).

(btw. btw. SAA. YOU FUCKING SUCK GAH)

SOTD: Hand in my pocket. (yes, with actions, William)- anm.

I’m broke but I’m happy
I’m poor but I’m kind
I’m short but I’m healthy, yeah
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I’m lost but I’m hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be fine fine fine
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I’m sober
I’m young and I’m underpaid
I’m tired but I’m working, yeah
I care but I’m worthless
I’m here but I’m really gone
I’m wrong and I’m sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be quite alright
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven’t got it all figured out just yet
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I’m free but I’m focused
I’m green but I’m wise
I’m shy but I’m friendly baby
I’m sad but I’m laughing
I’m brave but I’m chicken shit
I’m sick but I’m pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one’s really got it figured out just yet
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything’s just fine fine fine
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab…

Rules of the Shath

Hello world. It’s quiet here under the table because I am currently snowed under with work and, well, assumption being the mother of all fuckups that it is, I just want to be clear – (a) I actually work and (b) I have good days and (c) I have bad days too. Just like you, see?

But, SheBee and I thought we’d let you in on a few house rules.

People must wonder things like “how is it that two women can live together and not scissor til sunrise?” and, of course, “how is it possible that the two of them can have successfully lived together and not inadvertedly blown each other up yet?”

True, SheBee did gas the kitchen and I have still got wonk hair due to an unfortunate hair-going-up-in-smoke incident circa August last year (waha) but, we have survived, thus far, unscathed and canning ourselves laughing.

So, here you go… Some of you have been lucky enough to visit us, and some of you will be in the future. Some of you fucking better or else we will have to hunt you down and make you sing Britney Spears with a remote.
Just for the record, though, please abide by:

The Rules of The Shath:

• if you want something, always say “sckck”. you’ll get what you want. seriously. waha
• your vocabulary is retarded. this is standard. if you are the smallest resident, your vocabulary is remixed. waha.
• “the chocolate is full of bath” means “i cannot wait for gladys day”
• “doesn’t worry” is a suitable replacement for “its okay”
• farting is the way forward. farting impersonations even more so.
• “fuckbitch” is the last insult before you burst into laughter
• “i’m gonna shit pooh” literally means “if that happens, i will be excited”
• “odern” is a direct translation of a term referring to “old but modern and kind of nice but kind of kitch but also probably has dots”.
• everyone is addressed by surname. absolutely nothing else here is done with the same type of military precision.
• everything starts…with a smoke break
• tampon applicators will always roll away from you
• the paranormal is the normal. if the kettle hasn’t boiled itself and cameron is talking only to people you can see, it’s not a normal day.
• it is entirely normal to communicate with each other via text message…when you’re in the same room.
• similarly, although it took a while for The Shath to learn to get to sleep before 2am, there’s nothing wrong with twittering each other from our respective bedrooms to discuss traffic noises until late in the night
• there is, at any given time, at least one half-naked person wandering down the passageway. This is not due to pre-scissoring, but generally because one of us is trying to get in the shower/catch Cameron to get her in the bath/cannot fucking decide what to wear.
• we wee with the toilet door open, our tooth brushes more often than not get confused and used by the wrong person, we’re totally okay with this and still don’t have the need to scissor.
• we each have our own balcony on which to deploy pumpkins to unsuspecting male specimens and or drive-by doers.
• karaoke does not require a machine. Hand us a remote or two and we’re kiff.
• three golden necessities of the Shath – Bubbles, Tiff Chocolate and Shoes. These three things make for three happy girls.
• our bosses always have the same name. They are not the same person though.
• our mothers are more similar than you think. Trust us on this score.
• we are princesses, twenty four hours a day. Even when we’re snoring. Treat us like that at all times.
• our laundry pile is our calendar. If it’s huge, it’s been at least four days since Godsend Gladys has been. Hence, it must be weekend!
• in a house full of aspirant writers and storytellers, there is never a pen to be found.

=)

so, let’s talk, blog.

so, let’s talk, blog.

I’m spending this evening musing over my kid’s birthday party pictures. am awed at how she is growing, and has grown.

last night i saw will and his new abode and toby asleep on the bed. heather nova and singing the parlotones out loud.and laughing, laughing, laughing at ourselves as we tire by 11pm and think “ten years ago, we were just raring up to go out”. im so proud of will. so much change, so quickly, and yet so firmly in control he is.

then to bed to snuggle and be warm with my person.

then sunshine and breakfast and carwashes and paper reading and snuggles and happy. smiling. happy.

then clearing of inbox and pizza making and cuddles with cameron who proclaims “i am not a baby. i dont need these things anymore”. i am so proud of her.

“i missed you lots mommy”

i missed you too cameron macaroni, asleep as you are now, in your moo cow pyjamas.

and as i sit here about to bid adieu to a wonderful day, i muse and smile and well, literally, i has a happee.

just in case you forget

i came into work this morning and read your letter again. and fitted into giggles and tears.

thank you for getting me, and keeping me focussed.

through shit and through smit. twin powers activated.

why on earth did we not live together since birth?

you know why. i come home from work a raving loony, a little freaked out and retarded but, in a good way.

you just get it. i don’t have to explain, i don’t have to make excuses or explanations or anything. you just know, accept and make me laugh.

i heart you like garfield hearts lasagne. and trust me on this score, the hat likes you back. X

thank you.

12 random thoughts for thursday.

1. every morning, you come in and, the first thing you do is rev.the.shredding.machine. WHY on earth i have no idea. we never needed a shredder ’til you arrived. God himself can only know what it is you shred. i know what it is you shed, but seriously, the shredding? wtf.

2. apparently im dressed today ‘just like that girl from that movie with that guy from dawsons creek in. whats it called? oh yes, rules of affection’. NO FUCKTARD. it’s rules of attraction and the fact that you’ve seen it (a) disturbs me; (b) there was a lot of tits and arse in it and im showing none so (c) i hope youre not thinking about any of the bunnienummiegirls. but, (d) i think i get you.

3. i am ADDICTED to wefeelfine.org. the gallery. click. click. click. i’m sorry, i’m not going to be very productive today. i know you’re okay with this.

4. it’s your birthday. and yours. Happy Birthday to two men renowned in my life for feeding me. How weird that you share birthdays.

5. it’s twelve days til the 20th. stating the obvious here, i realise, but, there’s always a twelve.

6. i absolutely love how normal this feels. how normal and like it’s just the way it is, meant to be, and is alive. especially at 2am.

7. every day i just want to capture a moment with you. there are a million. that’s not hyperbolic. it’s honest.

8. i love it when you say ‘i love you like sprinkles mama’.

9. it’s thursday. please, for the love of what we hold dearest, stop waiting for me to run your life. i gave that up years ago. really, really, it’s time to move.swiftly.forward.

10. STOP STRESSING AND GET ON THE FUCKING PLANE. you know me, tough love and all.

11. I love how rude names are terms of endearment in my life.

12. I will have an early night, tonight. wish me luck. i don’t really care though.

//sotd: sometimes always – jesus and mary chain