Stuff, Me and an SOTD

STUFF

The aforementioned, stuff, is going on. this post has nothing to do with anyone reading it.

I really fucking mean that.

ME

Weird things happen when you take a step back.

In the quiet hides a deceitful monster, huddled in the corner.

In the quiet i find my peace, in the other corner, exploring my innards for myself.

But

When that monster huddle spouts forth their lies.

When that monster’s deceit comes clean.

I rise up.

In peace.

Not pieces.

In peace.

I do not stay,

I do not slay,

I merely

Walk away.

SOTD - Unprodigal Daughter – Alanis Morissette

I had disengaged to avoid being totalled
I would run away and say good riddance, soon enough
I had grown disgusted by your small-minded ceiling
Imagine myself bolting had not been difficult
Soon be my life
Soon be my pace
Soon be my choice of which you’ll have no part of
Unprodigal daughter and I’m heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I’d invite you but I’m busy being unoppressed
I hit the ground running, although I know not what toward
I hit the town feeling, forgetting all that came before
I felt primed and ready, once surrounded by the pawns
I felt culture shocked, but dissuaded, I was not
This is my town
This is my voice
This is my taste of which you’ve have no part of
Unprodigal daughter and I’m heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I’d invite you but I’m busy being unoppressed

One day I’ll saddle back and speak of foreign adventures
One day I’ll double back and tell you about these unfettered years
One day I’ll look back and feel something other than relieved
Glad that I left when I did before, I know you, you can’t get the best of me

When I’d speak of artistry you would roll your eyes skyward
When I’d speak of spirituality you would label it absurd
When I spoke of possibility you would frown and shake your head
If I had stayed much longer, I’d have surely imploded
These are my words
This is my house
These are my friends of which you’ve had no part

Unprodigal daughter and I’m heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I’d invite you but I’m busy being unoppressed

Unprodigal daughter and I’m heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I’d invite you but I’m busy being unoppressed

SOTD – Whispered from your heart to mine – FTTW

quote:

Keep your eyes, faced forwards, we’ll make our way through the dark
Keep your feet, firm grounded, we’ll take each step as it comes

my current mantra in every respect of life.

2 SOTDS for a 20th.

Happy Friday everyone.

SOTD 1 is for Camcam. She was asleep in my arms while I was dancing around the lounge prior to sunrise today (insomnia, coupled with more work to do than you can count on all your digits, toes included, will make you do some crazy things, just to get some good times in. you can tell I haven’t slept, hey? oh well. i’m still smiling).

She says she was pretending to be asleep while I danced around with her. She looked so peaceful. My absolute angel nestled into me in her moo-cow pjs. All I ever want for her is a better world, a brighter sunshine and a million smiles.

SOTD – One – U2

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame
You say…

One love
One life
When it’s one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don’t care for it

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it’s…

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We’re one, but we’re not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One…
Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it’s all I got
We’re one
But we’re not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can’t be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt
One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we’re not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One…life

SOTD 2 just came on my iTunes. It made me think of someone i like to call my person and well, in the quagmire of today I’m still sitting here smiling. That’s gotta say something, right? It speaks fucking volumes to me, thanks.

SOTD – Here and Now – Del Amitri

Hey i’m with you, let me just get you a light
And if we’d thought to listen
We might have checked if the weather was right
And i don’t mind if you want to drive all day

Hey, it’s raining, i should have brought my coat
And sometimes i could sell my soul
Just to sit and watch you smoke
And i don’t mind if you want to break my heart

‘cos you can burn paper
You can turn a wheel
But you can’t change later
Here and now just how good we can feel

Hey, stop talking, think i can hear the sea
And did i tell you the sound of the surf
Makes strange things happen to me
And i don’t mind if you want to crash the car

‘cos you turn traitor
You can turn on your heels
But you can’t change lady
Here and now just how good we can feel

And hey don’t worry, so that black cat’s some kind of curse
‘cos if bad times are coming up ahead,
Just put us in reverse

I don’t want to waste time, thinking ’bout it here and now babe
Nothing else matters but what we’ve got here and now babe.

Happy Friday people. Yes, even you, the person sheena and i call “blog*nameremoved*”

sotd for tuesday

it’s been a while since we’ve done one of these. I love this song. Very, very much. This song resounds to me the following memories:

• Sitting in the back of Jo-anne’s car, the day she and Trac got their tattoos, and talking loudly, and they stopped everything, came over and gave me a hug. I was having a monumentally bad day and they lifted my world.
• Standing in row at concert with my brother and he and I singing Sooooo badly along, whilst he air-guitared. Both times, both concerts. We shouldn’t do karaoke. Ever. Wah.
• One night, aaaaaaaaaages ago, dancing like a mad person in the road i grew up in, with Jo and Trac. (fuck, i miss them, we’re all mothers now! when the hell did that happen!?! waha!)
• It was playing in the store the day the twelve Rand man arrived. Waha.
  

Anyway, here it is:

SOTD: Run to the water – Live.

it’s as crazy as it’s ever been
love’s a stranger all around

in a moment we lost our minds here
and lay our spirit down
today we lived a thousand years
all we have is now

run to the water
and find me there
burnt to the core but not broken
we’ll cut through the madness
of these streets below the moon
these streets below the moon

and I will never leave you
’til we can say, “this world was just a dream
we were sleepin’ now we are awake”
’til we can say

in a moment we lost our minds here
and dreamt the world was round
a million mile fall from grace
thank god we missed the ground

run to the water
and find me there
burnt to the core but not broken
we’ll cut through the madness
of these streets below the moon
with a nuclear fire of love in our hearts

yeah, I can see it now lord
out beyond all the breakin’ of waves
and the tribulation
it’s a place and the home of ascended souls
who swam out there in love!

run to the water
and find me there
burnt to the core but not broken
we’ll cut through the madness
of these streets below the moon
with a nuclear fire of love in our hearts
rest easy baby, rest easy
and recognize it all as light and rainbows
smashed to smithereens and be happy
run to the water (and find me there)
run to the water

sotd – london rain – heather nova

only because. WOW. this song holds so fucking much for me. and the funniest thing happened once, i found it in garry’s car, just as i was launching a rocket (thats a euphemism people, and you have to know me to know what it is…) and i had something on my mind, and there it was. and then, there you were.

Anyway, random moot point, now.

SOTD – London Rain – Heather Nova

I’m coming home to you
I’m alive I’m a mess
I can’t wait to get home to you
To get warm and undressed
There’ve been changes beyond my dreams;
Everybody wants me to sing
There’ve been changes beyond my grasp;
Things I’m sinking in

So keep me in your bed all day
Nothing heals me like you do

And when somebody knows you well
Well there’s no comfort like that
And when somebody needs you
Well there’s no drug Iike that

And where l’m home, curled in your arms
And I’m safe again
I’ll close my eyes and sleep
To the sound of London Rain

Nothing falls like London Rain
Nothing heals me like you do
Nothing falls like London Rain
Nothing heals me like you do

Btw, yes, blog readers, sheena is quiet because she’s driving right now to come and unpack and move in!!! w00t!

sotds.

before i go to bed:

sotd 1: he’s got the whole world in his hands. only because camcam and tasha-tasha sing it loudly. and let me join in. until they say “not you” (yes. my singing is THAT bad. i’m okay with it.)

sotd 2: slide – goo goo dolls. because i have, indeed, slid. in a wonderful way. like that kamikaze ride that used to be at waterworld that is now defunct and gone and unused. Sliding down that kamikaze, that scared me so much when i looked at it, and yet, sliding down it, i felt such peace and such freedom. that slide is akin to how i feel today. and, to be frank, it’s fucking awesome.

god. i love how you write.

gnite. kittentits. x

sotd – the kill – 30 seconds to mars

Couldn’t take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I’m not running from you (from you)

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You’re killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.

Ah, ah
Oh, oh
Ah, ah

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you.
Look in my eyes
You’re killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

Come break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)

(You say you wanted more)
What if I wanted to break…?
(What are you waiting for?)
Bury me, bury me
(I’m not running from you)
What if I
What if I
What if I
What if I
Bury me, bury me

watch it here

lyrics for moratorium.

.this resonated.

I’ve never been this accountable-less and within
I’ve never known focuslessness on any form

I’ve never had this lack of ache for dalliance
To let go and let God in ways I have never even imagined

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavours of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

I’ve never let my grasp soften fingers like this
I’ve never been careless otherless like autonomy’s twin

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

Ah to breathe
Stop looking outside
Stop searching in corners of rooms
Not my business or timing
Ahhh

I’ve never known freedom from intertwining
I start again this time for keeps in my skin I’m residing

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

heh.

sotd #2. for my bro.

because, all of a sudden, sitting at my desk, i miss him so much. am gonna call him up and tell him i think he rocks. even though he sometimes annoys me to the point of eyestabbage. i’m sure i do the same for him.

anyway, here tis.

welcome to wherever you are - bon jovi

(i aint no big fan, but i know he is)

i still think of him alot (he’s not dead, we’re just both a lot older, have families, careers and mad lives) as nineteen, long hair and alot of ripped jeans action, making fart jokes and playing smoke on the water. non.stop. living across the passage from me and trying to fathom out statistics.

i guess, sometimes, i miss being teenage and running around with him, sillily, and doing crazy shit and not caring.

…and then he answered my text with a phonecall. and we laughed.

he said: “what are you doing on youtube?”
and i said: “posting porn”
he said: “CATHERINE!”
and i laughed.

he knows im not being serious.

and then he gave me a full review of the newer bon jovi album, compared it to previous ones (i guess those stetsons meant something after all!), we caught up on the band goss, and i had a little sigh.

he’s got his bon jovi, i have my alanis morissette. the paradigms, i used to call them.

that’s my brother. and i love him.

now, just as we are, and then, in our mutual hippy ‘wear alot of torn jeans, listen to the same music on repeat’ days.

(wait. we still do the same music thing hehe).

it has always been you who teaches me to be present, look forward and sing, even if you sound like shit.

that is all.

(wait. wah. i just found the vid for ’she don’t know me’ and am canning myself)

sotd. pollyanna flower

because it makes me think of you.

pollyanna flower – alanis morissette.

(through you I see I)

Between a broken nose and a fake smile
Between piety and gunpowder
Between fighting and fleeing the scene
Between murder and diplomacy
Between aggression and end of the odd
Between brutal and realistically well behaved
Between screaming and pulling in the reins
Between tiptoeing and ambling

What am I to do with all this fire
(I’d like to hit you but I’d never hit you)
Would you stay with me in this red space
(I’d like to slap you but I’d never slap you)

Between violence and silently seething
Between my fist and my pollyanna flower
Between “fuck you” to your face and it’s alright
Between war and denial

Between flying vases and secretly weeping
Between loose cannons and ever downplaying
Between bruises and rudely differing
Between bursting and boiling

What am I to do with all this burning
(I’d like to hurt you but I’d never hurt you)
Do I overwhelm you in this place
(I’d like to kill you but I’d never kill you)

What am I to do with all this fire
Can you understand me in this place?